Creativity

Feeling somewhat settled in my home, I ventured off to live one of my fantasies and play my saxophone on the beach. Playing the saxophone is one of the things I can say I purely enjoy, but then again, I enjoy so many things. This is so true, that often people tell me that what is holding me back from succeeding. I have so many opinions about success; success according to others and success according to me. My personal philosophy on success is surmised in Jackie Robinson’s famous quote, “A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives.”

I have never been more confused about my career than I am right now. I was always ambitious, but giving up my profession to live here has given me the feeling of freedom too good to not acknowledge as a good thing. My desire to succeed– and I use that term just how the dictionary defines it: 1) achieve attention 2) gain fame, wealth or power 3) make significant progress was so overbearing for most of my life that I believe it clouded my capability for any real joy for what I was doing. I gave up a potential acting career, with a high-powered agent, jobs and connections to come down here. I took myself off the track. I couldn’t be more thrilled. My attraction to acting was so convoluted with feelings of wanting to prove to the whole world that I was ok. Once I began to address these issues of inadequacy, acting was no longer enough. Of course, there wasn’t all bad memories and what I learned as a creative person, I can apply to any art form from music, to dancing to writing.

I know that now I despise acting and am ashamed to say that once I as part of a group that are so riddled with insecurities that they endure great hardships just to prove how wonderful they are. I suppose not everyone is exactly like me and did not have the same motives in acting.

I also know that if I chose, I find my description of success in anything I chose. Everyone can.

Saxophone brings me great joy. It was destiny that I play it from the minute I was given the sax after my other friend Eddie said I could be in his surf band if I learn to play the sax. I was playing by that Friday night! It was magical and makes me feel magical, but does it have to be more than that? Does it need to be my career? Should we hold up anything that we have a gift or love for as our way to make a living? Isn’t it enough to be able to do what we like to do?

I played my saxophone at the other end of the beach and enjoyed myself immeasurably.