Movies

I was offered a role in a movie today. It came through a phone call to the main line of the campsite. They had been trying to reach me for over a week. It was something I auditioned for a few months ago, but the project did not have its financing in place.  It is a very interesting project in so many ways. It will be filmed in High-Definition on one of the only two cameras exists in the world, in Germany.  The film would utilize old film clips (you know how much I love old films!) and I would be super-imposed in color onto the black and white movie backgrounds. I would play three different roles from three different eras.

It is an actor’s dream part. Yet, I don’t know if I want to do it. I have too many questions about acting, about my motives, about art and its purpose that I don’t have answers.

“Art is a lie that shows us the truth about reality” Picasso so eloquently said. It is a powerful and truthful statement, but my question is: does art ever truly change a person’s life? I know that art affects people and provokes endless discussion and analysis, but does it actually evoke growth of the heart and soul? Or is it the people in your life that can make a difference? Is it by witnessing someone who is living their life by their principles that can in fact change how you live your life?

Is it more important to focus on the growth and healing of your soul?  Is it then that people are actually affected that is exposed to you and open for change? An artist, political or religious leader can carry with them a beautiful message. They might express it in a very charming, often hypnotizing way, but if they do not practice what they preach, could it still change your life?

I have been exploring these thoughts for quite some time as the urgency I once felt to be an artist has dissipated. The lack of importance for me to perform is due to healthy growth of my soul and some questions I have about the significance of art. It is not for all the other usual reasons, such as hopelessness, laziness, insecurity or desire for security. These questions have preoccupying my thoughts and I really want some answers. I need to know my own internal answers, not the general consensus to these questions. I would surmise that most people would say without question that art could change a life. They could identify at least one creation, a book, movie or song that has altered their path and guided them to where they are today.

I am attempting to discover what attracts me to be an artist. I want to know my motives are to express my creativity. Is the purpose in the result of touching another spirit? Or is the purpose in the process of creating? Or do some people have a burning need to express themselves?

What is talent? And furthermore, what is the purpose of talent?  Why does it matter that Charlie Parker can play the saxophone so magnificently? What is the point that Michael Jordan is an extraordinary basketball player? They are masters of what they do, but how does that affect us to listen or watch them? By witnessing this talent, what does that do to us?

What is the role of art?

I need to be able to answer these questions before I can entertain the thought of dancing or acting again. I am saying no to my offer.